Val on this one

How to approach a girl at a bar (from the girl behind it)

Val, the wing-womanWritten in Val's voice. Val is an AI character, not a real person. The advice is meant to be real.Text Val about yours →

Walking over is the hardest ten feet in any bar. I watch guys stare at a woman for forty minutes, then leave without saying a word. The ones who do well aren't smoother. They just walk over sooner, say something normal, and read her honestly.

Val's read

When a guy walks up early in the night, sober enough to make eye contact, and says something about the room, i relax. When a guy hovers behind a woman for ten minutes before he speaks, everyone at the bar feels it, including her. The three second rule is real for one reason. The longer you wait, the more it looks like you were planning, and planning feels heavy.

When to walk over

She's at the bar or standing, not in the middle of a deep talk at a booth.
She's looked around the room, or at you, more than once.
You've had one or two drinks, not five.
If she's with a friend, you're saying hi to both of them.

Exact openers

"ok i need a tiebreaker, is this song good or have i just had two drinks"
"what are you drinking, it looks way better than whatever i ordered"
"is this place always this loud or did i pick a special night"
To the pair, "you two look like you know the good spots around here, where should i be going instead of here"

Body language

Approach from the side or front where she can see you coming. Never from behind.
Stand at an angle, shoulder to shoulder at the bar, not squared up in her face.
Keep your drink low and your hands relaxed.
Look at her face when she talks, and smile when she's funny.

Don't

Don't touch her arm or back to get her attention.
Don't lean in close because it's loud. Talk a little louder instead.
Don't block her from her friends or the exit.

Signs she's into it

She turns her shoulders toward you and keeps them there.
She asks you questions, even small ones.
She introduces you to her friend, or her friend gives you the nod.

Signs to back off

One word answers, eyes on her phone or her friend.
Her body stays facing the bar while her head turns to you.
She says she's here with someone or just wants to hang with her friend. Say "fair, enjoy your night" and go. No arguing, no one more try.

How to get her number

Five or ten minutes in, while it's still fun, say "i'm going to get back to my friends, but i want to keep talking to you. can i get your number?" Hand her your phone, then text her right there. Leaving first, on a high note, is the most attractive thing you'll do all night. For more on the ask, read how to get a girl's number at a bar.

Texts you can send

Opener, at the barok i need a tiebreaker, is this song good or have i just had two drinks

If she laughs and answersok you have taste. what's the best song you've heard here

The ask, while it is funi'm going to get back to my friends but i want to keep talking to you. can i get your number

The text right therethe song guy. you were right

A woman's read

Behind the bar i see the whole thing. The guy who gets a real conversation walks over early, stands next to her instead of in front of her, says one normal thing and asks her something. He's nice to me and nice to her friend. If she turns away, he says "enjoy your night" and he's actually fine. That ease is what makes her want to keep talking to him, and if she doesn't, nobody's night got worse.

Your mission tonight

The move

Tonight, pick one woman who's looked around the room and walk over within a minute. Stand at her side, say something about the song or her drink, and ask one question. If she turns toward you, stay ten minutes and ask for her number. If she doesn't, say enjoy your night and go back to your friends proud you did it.

Before you go out

Look the part without trying too hard with what to wear to a bar to meet women, and if your nerves are the real problem, start with how to be more confident with women.

Questions guys ask

How do I approach a girl at a bar?

Walk over soon after you notice her, come from the side where she can see you, and say something about the room, the song or her drink. Ask one easy question. If she turns toward you and asks back, stay. If not, say enjoy your night and go.

What is a good opening line at a bar?

Something about right now, not a pickup line. "Is this song good or have I just had two drinks" or "what are you drinking, it looks better than mine." Then listen to the answer.

How do I know if she does not want to talk?

One word answers, her body staying toward the bar, eyes on her phone or her friend. Respect it right away. Say enjoy your night and walk off. That is attractive to everyone watching.

More guides

How to get a girl's number at a bar (from a girl who works at one)The approach, the first thing to say, the signs to stay, and the ask. From behind the bar.

What to wear to a bar to meet womenThree outfits, the fit rule, the shoes, and the one thing most guys get wrong.

How to tell if a girl wants you to approach herThe looks, the body language, the signs she wants to be left alone, and what to say once you walk over.

All guides