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How to get a girl's number at a bar (from a girl who works at one)

Val, the wing-womanWritten in Val's voice. Val is an AI character, not a real person. The advice is meant to be real.Text Val about yours →

I've watched a thousand of these from behind the bar. The guys who get a number almost never have the smoothest line. They have the easiest energy. Here's what the ones who do well actually do.

Pick the right moment

She's at the bar, not deep in a booth with four friends.
She's looked around the room at least once. Women who are open to being talked to tend to look up.
You're not six drinks in. Two is the sweet spot. Clear eyes, relaxed shoulders.
If she's with one friend, you're talking to both of them. The friend decides more than you think.

The first thing to say

Something about right now, said like a normal person. Not a compliment on her body, not a line, not "can I buy you a drink" as an opener. Comment on the room, the music, the drink she's holding, what the bartender just did. Then ask her something easy.

Say "ok what is that, it looks way better than mine" or "i've been trying to figure out if this song is good or if i've just had two drinks" or "is this your spot or are you also here for the first time."

How to know if you should stay

Stay if she turns her shoulders toward you, asks you anything back, or laughs and keeps eye contact.
Wrap it up if she gives one word answers, turns back to her friend, or checks her phone. Say "nice meeting you, enjoy your night" and mean it. Nothing ruins a bar faster than a guy who won't take a hint.

The conversation

Keep it to five or ten minutes. Ask about her, share a little about you. Have a real opinion about something small. Don't interview her. Don't talk about your ex, your job title, or how you usually never do this.

The ask

Do it while it's still fun, not after it dies down. Be direct and give it a reason. Say "i should get back to my friends, but i want to keep talking to you. what's your number?" or "i'd like to take you to that ramen place you were trashing. give me your number and i'll prove you wrong."

Then hand her your phone with a new contact open. Text her right there so she has yours, and say "you're going to get a text from me tomorrow. that's a promise, not a threat."

Texts you can send

Right there, so she has your numberthis is the guy who was right about the song

That nightmade it home. nice meeting you, you have very strong opinions about ramen and i respect it

The next day, a planok that ramen place. thursday at 7, come prove me wrong

If she gave you the number but is quietno pressure, just wanted you to have a face to the number. bar guy, bad song, good opinions

A woman's read

From behind the bar, here's what I see. The guy who gets a number walks up like he's just saying hi, not like he's about to perform. He says one normal thing about the room, asks her something, and listens. He's nice to me and to her friend. And he leaves while it's still good, with her number, instead of hovering until it gets awkward. The guys who fail are rarely ugly or boring. They just stay too long, drink too much, or ask for the number like it's a favor.

The move

Next time out, talk to one woman at the bar with something about right now, not a line. Five minutes. If she's turned toward you and asking questions, ask for her number with a reason attached, text her on the spot, and leave on a high note.

What to text her

That night or the next morning, something that points at the conversation you had. Then an actual plan within a text or two. Here's what to text a girl after getting her number, and if you want to look right walking in, what to wear to a bar to meet women.

Questions guys ask

How do I ask a girl for her number at a bar?

Do it while the conversation is still fun, be direct, and attach a reason. "I want to keep talking to you, what's your number" or "I want to take you to that place you mentioned." Then text her on the spot so she has yours.

What should I say first to a girl at a bar?

Something about right now, said like a normal person. Her drink, the song, the bartender, the room. Then one easy question. Skip lines, body compliments and opening with "can I buy you a drink."

How do I know if she wants me to leave?

One word answers, turning back to her friend, checking her phone. Say "nice meeting you, enjoy your night" and go. Taking the hint gracefully is attractive to everyone watching, including her friends.

More guides

What to text a girl after getting her numberYou got the number. The first text, when to send it, and how to get to a date.

How to ask for her number (without it being weird)When to ask, exact words to say, and how to take a no like a grown man.

What to wear to a bar to meet womenThree outfits, the fit rule, the shoes, and the one thing most guys get wrong.

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