Val on this one

How to tell if a girl wants you to approach her

Val, the wing-womanWritten in Val's voice. Val is an AI character, not a real person. The advice is meant to be real.Text Val about yours →

Most women won't walk up to you. What they do instead is make it easy for you, and most guys miss it. Here's what it looks like from our side.

Val's read

When i want a guy to come over, i look at him, look away, and look back. I'll stand at the end of the bar instead of the middle. I'll laugh a little louder at my friend's joke. When he doesn't come over, i figure he's not interested. When a guy walks over after i've turned my whole back to him, that's a different story, and i'm already planning my exit.

Signs she wants you to approach

The double look. She catches your eye, looks away, and looks back within a minute.
A smile with the eye contact, even a small one.
She positions herself near you, at the end of the bar, the next machine over, the same aisle twice.
Open body language. Arms uncrossed, body facing the room, phone down.
She's alone, or her friend keeps glancing at you too. Friends notice before she admits it.
She touches her hair or adjusts something while looking your way. Not proof, but it adds up with the others.

Signs she wants to be left alone

Headphones in, head down.
Back turned, or her body angled tightly into her group.
She looked once, then never again.
She's in a hurry, on a call, or working.

What to say once you walk over

"hey, i saw you smile over here and figured i'd come say hi. i'm [name]"
"i was going to keep pretending to read the menu, but i'd rather say hi"
"i'm not great at this, but i'd regret not saying hi"

Honest and simple beats clever. You're telling her you noticed her noticing you, and that's flattering.

Body language when you get there

Walk over at a normal pace, from where she can see you.
Stand at her side, smile, keep your hands relaxed.

Don't

Don't stand over her if she's sitting.
Don't crowd her group or stand between her and her friend.

Signs it's working, and when to back off

Stay if she turns toward you, asks your name back, and keeps smiling.
Back off if she says "hi" and goes back to her friend. Signs can be misread, and that's fine. Say "nice to meet you, enjoy your night" and walk away. That's not a failure, that's how it works.

How to get her number

If she's into it, a few minutes in, say "i'm glad i came over. can i get your number so i can take you out?" Text her right there. Then text her a plan the next day.

Texts you can send

After the double lookhey, i saw you smile over here and figured i'd come say hi. i'm sam

If you are nervous, say iti'm not great at this but i'd regret not saying hi

The aski'm glad i came over. can i get your number so i can take you out

The text right therethe guy who finally came over. good call on my part

A woman's read

The signals women give are small on purpose. If we're wrong, we can pretend nothing happened. So when i look twice and smile, that's me saying come over, and i really hope you do. When you walk over and say "i saw you smile and figured i'd say hi," i feel seen, not hit on. And if i don't look back, it's a no, and you leaving it there is exactly right.

Your mission tonight

The move

Next time you're out, watch for the double look. When you get one, look back and smile. If she smiles again, walk over within a minute and say "i saw you smile and figured i'd come say hi." If she doesn't smile back, let it go. Either way, you read it right and acted on it.

If you see the signs and still freeze, read how to be more confident with women, and once you're talking, signs she's nervous around you.

Questions guys ask

How do I know if a girl wants me to approach her?

The double look, where she catches your eye, looks away and looks back, is the clearest sign. Add a smile, open body language and her standing near you, and she is likely open to you saying hi.

What are signs a girl does not want to be approached?

Headphones in, head down, her back turned, being in a rush, or only looking once and never again. Respect those and do not approach.

What should I say when I walk over?

Simple and honest works best. "I saw you smile and figured I would come say hi, I am Sam." If she turns toward you and asks back, keep going. If not, say nice to meet you and leave.

More guides

How to tell if a girl is nervous around youNervous isn't uninterested. The signs, and how to put her at ease.

How to approach a girl at a bar (from the girl behind it)When to walk over, the first line, where to stand, and when to leave her alone.

What to say after she says hi backThe second line, the follow up question, and how to keep it going without interviewing her.

All guides