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How to stop being nervous around girls
You see her, your chest gets tight, and every sentence you know leaves your body. By the time you've decided what to say, she's gone. The goal isn't to never be nervous. It's to be nervous and still say hi. That's a skill, and it gets easier fast.
Val's read
i talk to nervous guys every night from behind the bar, and here's the secret. i can usually tell when a guy is nervous, and i don't mind. what i mind is a guy pretending to be smooth and getting weird about it. a guy who says "i'm a little nervous, but i had to say hi" is honestly cute. nerves aren't the problem. hiding them is.
Why you freeze
- You're trying to say the perfect line. There isn't one. Your brain searches forever and finds nothing.
- It feels like a test. Every girl becomes a referendum on you. That's a lot of weight for "hi."
- You don't practice. You only talk to women when it matters, so every time is the first time.
What to say when you freeze
- "i had to say hi before i talked myself out of it."
- "ok i'm a little nervous, but i'd regret it if i didn't say something."
- Or just a real question about right now: "is this line always this long?"
Honest beats smooth. Then ask her one easy question and listen.
Make it easier every week
- Talk to everyone. Barista, cashier, the guy at the gym. Small talk with anyone warms up the muscle.
- Three second rule. When you notice her, say something within three seconds, before the overthinking starts.
- Lower the stakes. Your only goal is a hi and one question. Not a number, not a date.
- Breathe out slowly before you walk over. A long exhale calms your body down fast.
Do and don't
Do
- Do admit you're nervous, lightly, with a smile.
- Do practice small talk daily with anyone.
- Do keep it short and let her lead whether it keeps going.
Don't
- Don't memorize a pickup line. It sounds memorized.
- Don't drink to get brave. It makes you louder, not more confident.
- Don't replay it all night. One awkward hi is something you'll forget by Friday, and so will she.
Texts you can send
i had to say hi before i talked myself out of it
ok good, that went better than the version in my head. i'm sam. what's your name
is this line always this long or did we pick the worst day
A woman's read
when a guy walks up a little red and says "i had to say hi before i talked myself out of it," i smile every time. it's honest and it's brave, and brave is attractive. i don't need you to be smooth. i need you to be real and to read me. if i smile and ask you something back, stay. if i don't, say "have a good night" and go. either way you'll remember you did it, and that's what makes the next time easier.
Your mission tonight
The move
Tonight or tomorrow, make small talk with three people you don't know, anyone at all, a cashier, a barista, someone in line. Then, the next time you notice a girl you like, say "i had to say hi before i talked myself out of it" within three seconds. One question, then let her lead.
Next steps
Once you've said hi, here's what to say after she says hi back and how to start a conversation with a stranger. Not sure if she wants you to? Read how to tell if a girl wants you to approach, and for the bigger picture, how to be more confident with women.
Questions guys ask
How do I stop being nervous around girls?
Practice small talk with everyone daily so it feels normal, lower the goal to just a hi and one question, and say something within three seconds of noticing her. A slow breath out before you walk over calms your body down.
Is it ok to tell a girl I am nervous?
Yes. Saying "I had to say hi before I talked myself out of it" is honest and a lot of women find it charming. It is hiding nerves and acting weird about it that comes across badly.
How do I stop being awkward around girls I like?
Stop looking for the perfect line. Ask about something happening right now, listen to her answer and share a little back. Talking to many people, not just the ones you like, makes it feel ordinary.
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