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How to flirt with your wife again (without it being weird)
You flirted with her for months to get her. Then you got her, and somewhere between the mortgage and the second kid, flirting turned into "did you move my charger." Flirting with your wife feels weirder than flirting with a stranger, because she knows you. That's also exactly why it works.
What flirting is, after the wedding
It's not pickup lines. It's treating her like a woman you're still trying to get, in small ways, with a little heat behind it. It's noticing her out loud. It's a look across the kitchen that says you're thinking about it. It's an inside joke with a wink. The bar is low, because almost nobody does it.
Over text
- Notice her. Say "that dress this morning. i had thoughts."
- Anticipate. Say "cant wait to get home to you tonight. and i do mean you."
- Tease. Say "you stole the blanket again. im going to need to see you about this later."
- Remember. Say "thinking about that hotel in portland. you know the one."
- Keep it suggestive, not graphic. One line, then let it sit. Don't follow it with "lol" or "jk."
In person
- The look. Catch her eye across the room and hold it two seconds longer than normal. Say nothing.
- The pass by. Hand on the small of her back as you walk past, a squeeze, keep going.
- The whisper. Lean in at a party or a family dinner and say something only she can hear. "you're the best looking person here, and i'm not just saying that because i have to go home with you."
- The compliment with heat. Not "you look nice." Say "you look like trouble tonight." See what to say instead of you look nice.
- Dance in the kitchen. One song. You'll both feel dumb for ten seconds and then you won't.
What kills it
- Flirting that's only ever a request for sex. She can tell, and she'll start bracing instead of smiling.
- Flirting right after a fight to smooth it over. Apologize first.
- Doing it in front of the kids in a way that embarrasses her. A wink is fine. A grab is not.
- Giving up after the first eye roll. The eye roll is often her being surprised. Keep going, lightly.
Texts you can send
that dress. i had thoughts. have a good day, ill tell you about them later
cant wait to get home to you tonight. and i mean you, not the couch
you stole the blanket again. we are going to have a conversation about this later and you are not going to win
thinking about that hotel in portland. you know exactly the one
A woman's read
When my husband flirts with me, it reminds me I'm not just his co-manager. A text that says "that dress, I had thoughts" makes me smile at my desk and then think about him for a second in a way I hadn't in a while. The look across the room at his sister's birthday? That did more than any date night. And here's the part men miss. When he flirts and then doesn't push for anything, I'm the one who ends up making the move.
The move
Send her one flirty text today, suggestive not graphic, and don't follow it up. Tonight, catch her eye across the room and hold it a beat too long. That's it. Build from there.
If she doesn't flirt back
Give it a couple of weeks of low key, no pressure flirting before you read anything into it. If she still seems uncomfortable, ask her directly and kindly. Say "i'm trying to flirt with you again because i miss it. is it landing weird?" Her answer will tell you what she actually wants. If the bigger issue is that you feel like roommates, start with how to get the spark back with your girlfriend.
Questions guys ask
How do I flirt with my wife after years of marriage?
Small, specific and a little heated. Notice her out loud, tease her, send one suggestive text a day without following it up, hold eye contact across a room. Treat her like a woman you are still trying to get.
What should I text my wife to flirt?
One line that notices her or anticipates seeing her: "that dress this morning, i had thoughts" or "cant wait to get home to you tonight." Suggestive, not graphic, and let it sit.
What if my wife rolls her eyes when I flirt?
An eye roll is often surprise, not rejection. Keep it light and consistent for a couple of weeks. If she still seems uncomfortable, ask her kindly whether it's landing wrong.
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