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Val on this one
How many texts before asking her out?
You've been texting for a week and a half. It's going well. You keep thinking "one more good day and then I'll ask." That day was four days ago. Here's the real number, and why it's smaller than you think.
The honest answer
From a dating app: two to four good back and forths, so somewhere between day one and day four. From real life, after you got her number: one or two exchanges, then ask. Texting isn't the relationship. It's the hallway to the relationship, and nobody wants to live in the hallway.
Why guys wait too long
- Waiting for a "sign." The sign is that she keeps replying.
- Not wanting to seem eager. Asking after three days isn't eager. Asking after three weeks is confusing.
- The texting is fun, so why risk it. Because texting fun has a shelf life, and it's about two weeks.
Signs she's ready to be asked
- She replies with more than one line and asks you things.
- She's mentioned something she wants to do, eat or see.
- She's referenced you two having something in common.
- She's texted you first at least once.
Two of these is plenty. You don't need all four.
The pen pal trap
After about two weeks of texting with no date, something shifts. She starts to wonder if you're actually interested, or if you're texting five other women, or if you're just lonely. The texts get shorter and so does her patience. The easiest fix is never getting there.
The ask
Specific, light, tied to something you talked about. A day and a thing. Make it easy to say yes and easy to say "not that day, but Thursday."
Texts you can send
you said best dumplings in the city like a challenge. thursday after work, show me
i like talking to you and id rather do it in person. saturday, drink around 7?
ok ive been enjoying this too much to remember to ask you out. thursday, drinks?
no worries. what does next week look like for you
A woman's read
By text three or four I already know if I want to meet a guy. Everything after that is me waiting for him to ask. When he asks on day three, I think "oh good, he knows what he wants." When he's still sending memes on day twelve, I start thinking he's not that into me, or he's texting a bunch of girls, or he's going to be like this in person too. The fun texting doesn't make me want the date more. It makes me wonder why there isn't one.
The move
Count your good exchanges. If it's three or more, ask today. One text, a day and a thing, tied to something she said. Then put the phone down.
If you've already waited too long
It's fine. Just ask now, without apologizing for the delay. "ok i've been enjoying this too much to remember to ask you out. thursday, drinks?" works at week one and week three. Here's the full guide to how to ask her out over text, and first date ideas that aren't boring for the where.
Questions guys ask
How long should you text before asking a girl out?
From an app, two to four good exchanges, usually within the first few days. From real life, one or two exchanges after getting her number. Longer than two weeks and it starts working against you.
Is it too soon to ask her out after one day of texting?
Not if the conversation has been good and she's engaged. A clear, specific ask after a good first day of texting reads as confident, not eager.
What if I have been texting for weeks and have not asked?
Ask now, without apologizing for the wait. Tie it to something you two talked about and attach a day. If she's still replying, she's still open.
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